Let me explain first that here in Idaho, driver's is not part of the high school curriculum. It is offered by the school district after school for $250-$300 dollars with a strict policy of not missing any of the classes. We told Daniel he would have to pay for it--that could be one deterrent, although he's had the money in savings several times and would have been able to do it.
We had also said (when he was about 11 years old) that he would have to have his Eagle Scout award in order to get his license. Another deterrent, but nevertheless, we said he could take driver's ed, get his learner's permit and practice until that requirement was met (incidentally, I have many regrets about tying driving to the Eagle Award among which is the fact that since he couldn't drive, we've had to chauffeur him everywhere--keep reading, though, I've found a solution).
When he turned 17, driver's ed was no longer a requirement for getting a license, so we got the driver's handbook, figured he could get his learner's permit and practice driving. He has studied the book and is probably ready to take the written test for his learner's permit. Several times, Paul has said, "Hey, let's do it this afternoon!" Wouldn't you think most teenagers would jump at the chance and be chomping at the bit to go? Not Daniel. He had to do this or that and taking the test could wait til' tomorrow so he could get this done today.
I think I've figured out the problem. Take a good look at this picture...
Do you see any problems? Yes, this picture is a year or two old, but it illustrates my point completely.
In order to drive, Daniel would be required to cut his hair sufficiently to be able to SEE! However, I think his love affair with his longer hair outweighs the desire to drive. The mere mention of cutting his hair brings dark clouds into his eyes and resounding, "No! I'm not cutting my hair."
Nevertheless, for his safety and the safety of everyone else on the road, the hair must be cut. Therefore his solution is that he will delay driving.
MY solution is that if he does not get his permit within the next two weeks we will no longer chauffeur him to work, to friends' houses etc--he will have to find his own way. After all, he is an adult now at eighteen and ought to take more responsibility for these things!
He still may choose to walk or ride his bike, but then that is his adult choice!
Are we being too hard-nosed about this?
9 comments:
Could there be other reasons besides his not wanting to cut his hair?
I've seen pictures of him where his hair isn't stuck over his eyes... and plenty of people with different haircuts are more than able to acquire a driver's license.
Is he afraid to drive?
I don't know if you're necessarily being hard-nosed about it. But I wonder if it's a little more complex than a haircut. I could be wrong on this. Although his hair may be his main channel of rebellion, it seems to be a really dumb reason for not getting your driver's license. He could easily get a haircut, get his license, and then grow his hair back out.
It almost seems he is more than willing to just adapt to any new rules that you may apply to the situation. Maybe taking away his chauffeur will prove effective, maybe not. However if he is lacking motivation, I don't know if making things more difficult from him will supply him with the desire to act. If it's all due to laziness, or simply a haircut, this tactic is plausible for success.
Whoops. I hit publish before I meant to. I think it's readable enough though. :)
I agree with iieee. It may be more complex than a haircut. (I mean, he could just wear a hat.) But the bottom line is he's eighteen. It's time to start acting (and looking) like an adult rather than a teenager. To be an adult, you've got to have a driver's license. He needs to be responsible for getting himself where he needs to go. Are you being hard-nosed? No. It's time to cut the apron strings. And it's really time to get rid of the hair fetish.
It's too bad that driver's ed is not a required class. He'd have had his license long ago. I'd get him enrolled in a driving school right away. I wouldn't require him to pay for it.
You've both made valid points. I think it's very possible that he is apprehensive about driving. However, he keeps reiterating things about being eighteen now--in reference to privileges--and I think along with the "privileges" comes responsibility which includes either getting his driver's license or using alternative transportation that doesn't include mom and dad chauffeuring him everywhere.
I also think that Lulu is right--he needs to start acting and looking like an adult--a concept I'm going to run with.
I'm still pretty firm on the haircut, just because I worry--especially with a beginning driver--about having any part of his vision partially obscured by hair. I suppose he could slick it back with gel or something like that, but...it would be much more adult-like to get a haircut!
This is really tricky, and honestly, I don't think I've heard of a kid his age not caring about being able to drive. I recommend counseling immdiately. (kidding, of course)
I have some friends down the street with three boys (18, 15 and 13) and they have a sign hanging in their hallway that says "Thank you for staying with us. Check out time is 18 years." Of course it's a bit of a joke, but they also have set some guidelines such as you WILL live away from home for at least one semester of college before your mission, you have 6 months after your mission to live with us and then you need to be on your own, etc. The oldest boy leaves for college in a few weeks.
The tricky part with Daniel is that he still has a year of high school left. Who feels like an adult when you're in high school? But if he's shooting back with wanting adult privileges and such, for sure he needs to be acting the part - everything from doing his own laundry, driving and paying for his own gas, insurance, working and contributing to the family, whether it be through household responsibilities, or even financially. Hehehe, point that last on out to him and see how he likes it. Who wants to be an adult now?
What do I know, I shouldn't say a thing until my kids are in their forties - then we'll see how they turned out. Good luck.
Daniel...get your driver's license!
I kind of like those guidelines that your neighbor has---except for the semester of school before mission. For Daniel, I think he needs a break from school and time to grow up and get some direction to his life (read--needs to go on mission). If he had time between graduation and turning 19, it would be different, but since he'll be nineteen right after graduation, I'm ready to get him out on a mission!
I talked to him yesterday about "looking and acting like an adult" to gain the respect he's looking for as an adult. He took it all in but I'm not sure he took it to heart--we'll see.
However, I might add that he does do his own laundry, contributes $50 a month toward gasoline and is pretty good about doing what we ask as far as household tasks. The expenses that go along with driving though are going to be a wake-up call as far as gasoline, maintenance, and insurance--and he doesn't even have to buy the car!
Thanks, everyone for the input!
The church can't be babaysitting boys who need to grow up. The best missionaries have grown up before their missions. Sit down with Daniel and make a list of the basic skills he should master in the next year. Besides getting a driver's license, does he know how to put gas in the car and do basic car maintenance, use a debit card, write checks, balance a checkbook, and manage his finances?
Hi... I'm Lorie's sister. :) I like to lurk on my sibling's friend's blogs. :P
I read this article in my most recent issue of BYU magazine. I'm not sure if I agree totally with the findings, but found it interesting in light of your concerns here.
I have a cousin who is leaving on a mission in October who still doesn't have his drivers license. His family is facing the same concerns you are.
Enjoy the read!
http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=2262
Hi Rebecca!
Welcome! I haven't read the article yet, but I intend to before I go to work tomorrow. I need some info from church resources! Thank you!
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